My Top 10 Albums of 2008

Let's face it. 2008 was a reasonably weak year for music. Maybe I wasn't looking hard enough this year, but there used to be a time where I'd shuffle all kinds of plans just to get to the record store where I now work just to have an album one freaking day early. Unfortunately those days are gone. At least for me they are and it's not because I download music. I can't even rally the enthusiasm to do that.

Admittedly, my interests have always lied with movies (or films, if you prefer) but music has been my ol' silver medal. Anyway, here's what I was into this year. Now keep in mind that I paid Cash American for only 5 of these albums. Some came to me through burned or ripped copies if that counts for anything.

1) Nine Inch Nails -- "The Slip"

This album was so good I wanted to punch Miley Cyrus in the fucking face. I wanted to yank those gay* promise rings off the Jonas Brothers' fingers and rape them (being the Jonas Brothers) with them (the rings, I mean.) Trent Reznor has come a long way from being the angsty bitch I admired when I myself was an angsty bitch to being He Who Can Do No Wrong.

The Slip slides a warm, elegant hand up your neck with the buildup of 999,999, tightly grabs it with 1,000,000, shakes you violently until the deliriousness of Discipline and Echoplex (my two favorite songs of the year, I'd like to add) give way to the beauty of Lights in the Sky and eventually the textured (even more texture than the previously mentioned tracks offer) simplicity of Corona Radiata and The Four of Us Are Dying. And the back-for-more finale of Demon Seed is the perfect ending to the album. And the best part is that Mr. Reznor didn't charge a goddamned dime for the album. Between that generosity and the brilliance of The Slip I would put out for Trent Reznor. Okay, maybe not but I'd definitely buy him lunch. Good enough? I've often debated with the idea of going back and paying the $23.98 my store charges for a CD copy of the album (minus my 25% discount, of course) because it's that good. I haven't been this excited by an album in so long.

Every moment you have not heard or downloaded this album (for free here) you are being a complete and utter fool. Get at it...

2) Radiohead -- "In Rainbows"

I know, I know. Technically this album came out in 2007 when Radiohead put it up on their website with their honor system experiment where they let the fans decide how much they'd like to pay. More than half of their fans didn't pay a red cent and the rest didn't pay more than five bucks. And interesting experiment, but ultimately a doomed one in the age of pirating music and torrent sites. All that nonsense aside, In Rainbows is a beautiful album where Radiohead gets away from the out-there experimental nonsense that 2001's Amnesiac started and 2003's Hail To the Thief perpetuated. Don't get me wrong, they weren't awful but they required more patience than I was willing to put forth. In Rainbows kept some of the experimental qualities while getting back to the pop qualities that initially attracted me to Radiohead. Bodysnatchers actually had me wondering if this was indeed Radiohead until Yorke's unmistakably unique voice chimed in. Nude is nothing short of beautiful and Weird Fishes/Arpeggi would definitely end up on a do-nothing-whatsoever-dismal-day-and-happy-about-it mix CD or playlist. All I Need, Reckoner and House of Cards just kept that feeling going. This was the most excited I'd been about an album until Mr. Reznor put out The Slip.

3) The Black Keys -- "Attack & Release"

I've been a fairweather fan (fairweather in the sense that I probably wouldn't cross state lines, plan road trips, or even pay money for concert tickets or CDs in appreciation) of The Black Keys, but Attack & Release kind of bumped up my appreciation for the band. The meat and potatoes vocals, guitar and drums ingredients of their previous albums got kicked up a notch with Danger Mouse's production with some strings and some other instrumentation that escapes me at the moment. It was definitely a change but not so much to the point where you'd notice and get pissed off, swearing off the band forever. Attack & Release is definitely the kind of album that grows on you more and more with each listen. My favorite tracks were the up-tempo Strange Times, the dreamy Oceans & Streams and the beautiful finale, Things Ain't Like They Used To Be.

4) Earth -- "Bees Made Honey In the Lion's Skull"

The only other Earth album I heard was Hex: Or Printing In The Infernal Method and I liked it, but it was one of those albums you had to be in the mood to get into. It made me wonder if Ennio Morriconne started a doom band but I knew that it wouldn't get too many play counts in iTunes from me. But Bees Made Honey In the Lion's Skull was different. Not dramatically different, but different enough to make you wish you were in the mood to get into this album more often. It reminded me of Miles Davis' Bitches' Brew in the sense that it's the soundtrack for a fever dream with 8-12 hours in the future as your only escape. In Bitches' case its a full-on nightmare that lets up at points, but Bees' puts you in a similar dream that's never as intense even if the feeling is almost as unnerving. It doesn't take as long to build but where it ends up is a haunting place with rays of beautiful light warming you.

5) Beck -- "Modern Guilt"

I don't really know what to say about Beck. I mean, Beck's Beck. He's great and he's one of the few musicians I listen to that I know I'll hear something consistently great from, even though he's the one I'd least expect it from. If that makes any sense. I listened to Modern Guilt maybe 3 times and I remember liking it. A good album from Beck is like (until recently at least) a good acting performance out of Robert DeNiro. Some may be screeching blasphemy at the mere comparison but just stay with me. Until maybe a few years ago, DeNiro consistently put out good performances. You'd hear stories about how he'd try on 83 jackets and hang out with lawn fertilizer salesmen to prepare for a role, even though wearing the jacket for one scene and his character being a lawn fertilizer salesman didn't have a hell of a lot to do with the movie.

Point is, the man would put out consistently great performances and you'd expect it. Granted, some were better than others. His performance in Taxi Driver was definitely better than his performance in New York, New York, but neither one was bad. Then eventually, as all great artists tend to do, DeNiro started phoning his performances in and then, only then, does everyone start pissing and moaning.

I wouldn't call Modern Guilt Beck's 15 Minutes or Hide and Seek even, but I'd go as far as to call it his King of Comedy. Creative enough to be interesting, but enough left over from his last album to not make you yell holy shit. Good nonetheless.

6) Aimee Mann -- "@#%&*! Smilers"

I really think being an Aimee Mann fan shows your age. You never hear about people under 25 (or 30 for that matter) talking about how much the last Aimee Mann album kicked ass. Until she put out the Magnolia soundtrack in 1999 and Bachelor No. 2 shortly thereafter in 2000, Mann was always that creepy chick who freaked me out in the "Voices Carry" video from when I was a kid. And I was too submerged in Britpop in the mid-90s to appreciate what she was doing. Maybe I was starting to mature, perhaps Mann was getting better or possibly it was just a merging of the two, but she finally clicked with me.

In the following years, Mann offered Lost in Space and The Forgotten Arm. Not to mention a Christmas album whose heart was in the right place but not tempting enough to get so much as ripped to my iTunes library. But whatever. This brings us to @#%&*! Smilers.

Mann's last 2 (and I'm not counting Another Drifter in the Snow--the aforementioned Christmas album) albums were growers. Growers are albums that don't grab you right away and eventually grow on you after either numerous and repeated listens or after sitting untouched on your shelf for extended periods of time or a month before the artist or band is set to release their next album. These albums aren't bad because of their grower status, it's just that the listener isn't ready and a little time is required for full appreciation to blossom. Or fester.

@#%&*! Smilers is not a grower. I found the album easily accessible and inviting. Every song from the opener Freeway to Looking For Nothing, through Phoenix to Thirty-One Today were all very inviting and even comforting. I wouldn't recommend @#%&*! Smilers as the Aimee Mann album to start with if someone was looking to get into her music but its definitely not a bad start. It's a tad catchier than her last few albums but she doesn't deviate too much from what works for her.

7) Nine Inch Nails -- "Ghosts I-IV"

Taking full advantage of the fact that he's not chained to a major label/corporation and is now doing whatever the hell he wants, one of the first things Trent Reznor did (just before putting out the best goddamn album of the year) was to put out a 36-track album which he described as "a soundtrack for daydreams." These are the first 4 volumes of what Reznor promises to be an ongoing series/experiment.

I paid five bucks for a digital download (and some very beautiful artwork) at nin.com. Admittedly Ghosts I-IV aren't/is something you've got to be in the mood for. Most of it is ambient, some of it would qualify as "background noise" and some, but not much is downright ingnorable. But there are tracks on Ghosts I-IV that tread through Ennio Morriconne territory and others that make you wonder why the hell they end up on album albums of Reznor's. Ghosts I-IV definitely requires patience, but it definitely pays off.

8) Boris -- "Smile"

I'm not going to lie to you. I'm throwing Smile on this list because I could only think of 11 albums I liked this year. And if there was a spaceship ready to save 10 of those and one had to be left behind, Smile would be saved. Their 2006 album Pink is definitely their definitive album for me and unfortunately Smile hasn't done a hell of a lot to top it in my book.

Boris' sound changed up noticeably on Smile, but not drastically. I think it'll qualify as a grower (see the @#%&*! Smilers review) but it just hasn't... grown on me yet. I'm listening to it right now and I'm not spotting any noticeable growing. And for as disappointed as I may sound, I will say this--the worst Boris album still beats the shit out of the best Panic at the Disco album. So think long and hard on that.

9) Death Cab for Cutie -- "Narrow Stairs"

Yes, I will openly admit here and now that I never thought that things would get so bad where I'd put a Death Cab for Cutie album on a Top Ten list or that they'd put out an album so good that it would make a Top Ten list. Or that I would put out a Top Ten list. But the pickins are kind of slim this year.

I can only give 3 reasons as to why Narrow Stairs is on this list. One of them is their single I Will Possess Your Heart. That bassline was so catchy and the song is so hypnotic. Then Ben Gibbard in all his gayness* has to start dropping some of the worst lyrics I've ever heard. And I don't pay attention to lyrics.

The second reason is the fourth track Cath... I like the song, it's catchy and I haven't bothered to look too far into it to find a reason to shit on it. And believe me, I always look for reasons to shit on things. And that third reason is the seventh track Grapevine Fires. It's not too douchy and it generally gets me out of a bad mood or puts me in a place where I can deal with it.

Those 3 songs aside I can't remember too much else about Narrow Stairs. It could very well and probably suck as a whole but because of the songs I mentioned I'll let Gibbard live.

For now...

10) Ryan Adams and The Cardinals -- "Cardinology"

There was a time where I'd get really excited whenever Ryan Adams would put out a new album, despite most of his output being growers. Buying or even listening to an album by the man has turned into an emotional (or financial) crapshoot. His output is so prolific that you can never be sure if you're getting a classic rock love letter or Grateful Dead idolatry.

And the first 3 tracks of Cardinology had me rolling my eyes with disappointment. And a few months later I still do, but then I remind myself that with the exception of a few tracks off of Cold Roses I had the same reaction. Cardinology is on this list for essentially the same reason that Smile is--it beats the hell out of just about everything else that came out in 2008 even if it is sub-par work for the respective artist.

Almost Made It:
Drive-By Truckers -- "Brighter Than Creation's Dark"
Gnarls Barkley -- "The Odd Couple"
Jamie Lidell -- "Jim"

Didn't Hear It But Didn't Get The Chance:
Portishead --"Third"
Guns 'N' Roses -- "Chinese Democracy"

*See first post

No Shit...

...I heard a fat girl outside of work today say she gained enough weight to make her bellybutton ring rip and fall out.

Being conscious is seriously overrated. And so is having a vivid imagination.

P.S.

Byron,

I hate your ass. And if either I, my wife or anyone else on my street has a parking ticket because your dickhole ass didn't get anyone out to plow (with the blade lowered next time, please) I'm coming to your house, breaking in and taking a shit in your mouth. And I'll eat a shitload of corn (get it? shitload?) and peanuts beforehand.

Happy holidays!

Oh, Byron... (Intrinsically Helping the Neighbors)

Dear Byron,

You are a dick in the most literal sense of the word. Wait, I take that back. Dicks have uses. They're integral in the perpetuation of the species. Hell, one might even get you a damn good settlement in a car accident case or out of a murder rap. But you are an appendix wrapped in foreskin. You are truly a tumbling, tumbling dickweed. If I didn't have a relative basically dying of cancer right now, I'd probably like cancer better than you at this point. And if I wasn't so wiped out from shoveling snow for the last hour and a half I'd probably hit you with no less than two dozen pithy insults attacking your machismo, vaguely attractive wife and bonesmoking fuckup of a son.

But I'll get to that hour and a half of shoveling snow in a minute.

The reason why you're a notch above a child molester in my book right now is because you are an incompetent jizzbucket. You are and have been the mayor of not only the asshole of the world, but a town known for its fucked up weather. Random, frequent and copious downfalls of snow, always at the most opportune times. Like the last shopping weekend before Christmas for instance.

But that's a fact of life. You live in the midwest, tornadoes come with the territory. You live in California, the occasional earthquake is part of the deal. You want to reside in Florida or anywhere near the Gulf of Mexico, you best not piss and moan about drowning when it rains or having your house blown away when a hurricane comes to town. And I'm not crying about the snow that the rustbelt town I reside in is so famous for. I've lived here all my life and I'm used to it.

But what's frying my ass is the fact that there still, after years and years of this happening is still no real contingency plan for when the crippling, the sky is falling, this is it snowfall comes year after year. Oh sure, the major routes and streets get plowed within an hour and if you live on one of them you're golden. But what about the rest of us who live on the "tetriary roads?" And by tetriary (a word used by one of your staff members at your 411 self-service line to describe my street in its importance level when it comes to the priority of when it gets plowed) I'm guessing that means unimportant and negligible. And I guess this because in the last 5 years I've lived on this street I've seen it plowed no more than a dozen times. And before you think or say the word exaggeration or some variation thereof, don't. Just fucking don't.

And why should you or whatever relative/sexual finger puppet of yours you put in charge of keeping the roads plowed bother with my shitty little side street? Not a lot of traffic comes down it and after all, it is a one-way street. They're so bothersome, I know. And you've got to move your car to the other side of the street twice a week and OHMYGAHDCHANGETHECHANNELI'MSCARED...!!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure you want to look like you care, but I don't think you do as long as it looks like you do. Your whole 311 self-service thing looks good on paper, but the frustrated overworked and I'm guessing underpaid girl who answered my call to your help line yesterday did a decent job of leading me to believe she gave a baker's fuck about the fact there was a moving van stranded at the top of my street and the street was buried in snow. Yeah, A for effort there but when my street actually didn't get plowed today and every other street within a mile did I'm going to hate you more than Joel Schumacher. Don't get me wrong. When I got home from working and family holiday festivities it looked like somebody... thought about plowing my street but opted to go toss the salad of a 350-pound woman instead. A cousin of yours, perhaps? Wait a minute, let me take another guess. The ass clown who either did or was supposed to plow my street didn't get done before beer o'clock and had to improvise.

So when I got inside after getting everything out of the car that shouldn't spend the night in 10 degree weather my intention was to call your 311 line and verbally lambaste whichever poor bastard answered the line. So I call up this farce and you're only open weekdays from 8-4:30? Really? Seriously? And you've got to hire a guy who sounds like he's getting raped in a tin can and broadcast over AM radio to leave the message? And problems don't happen on weekends? If its a budget issue you can take the money you're fucking everyone from work zone speeding tickets out of by leaving those work zone signs up all winter long, doubling the fines even though there's not a soul out there working.

And I don't care if I don't have my facts even close to straight. My street isn't plowed, I live in Buffalo and you're the mayor of Buffalo. So fuck you right now. Fuck you in the face right now. And I also had to clear my car off (admittedly not your fault) but because I had to dig it out from either the non-existent or pisspoor plow job and clear a path for my wife's car in front of the neighbor's house (and of course ten seconds after she pulls out of the spot they're going to pull right in) so she can out in the morning because she has to work tomorrow--

Oh, yeah. That reminds me. What are all us unimportant and negligible street-dwelling folks supposed to do when Monday morning rolls around and we have to go to work? You know, we can't get off the street so what are we supposed to do? Just gun it and hope for the best? Given any thought to us, Byron? Or how about that additional 4-6 inches of snow, glorious snow that we're supposed to get by the early afternoon tomorrow. Or those 30-45 MPH winds that are going to blow the shit around for a few hours before we get more lake effect snow in the evening? Our shitty-looking street is going to look even shittier tomorrow. Oh, but I'm sure your Monday through Friday staff has it all worked out.

Okay. Let's get down to brass tacks here. Here's what its going to take for me to not hate your ass:

1. If I can get to Target tomorrow and pick up a widescreen copy of Burn After Reading.
2. When I come back from Target one of my shithead neighbors doesn't grab the spot I spend so much time shoveling and getting sweaty and smelly over.
   
3. When 5PM rolls around and I have to move not only mine, but my wife's car I can do so with little to no difficulty.

I know you have no knowledge or control over any of this but its a rant that to the best of my knowledge only one other person may or may not read in the not too distant future. It also serves as an outlet so I don't hand the poor person or persons who answer the phone when I call your 411 line repeatedly on Monday morning as I don't expect the demands I've made to be met.

But I'm warning you--don't fuck this up...

Christmas Zombies (Thank You For Supporting Local Business)

I, either like or unlike the vast majority of people who celebrate Christmas am eagerly awaiting its passing. I'm not a Scrooge by any means (maybe a little) but like the current presidential administration I just want it over. I. Just. Want. It. Over.

Why so against the holidays, you may be asking. Or maybe you're not asking. I don't know. Let's start with Black Friday. Some poor bastard not that much older than I, working as holiday help at a Wal-Mart gets trampled to death because of bunch of IHOP monkeys thought they were going to save $100 on a laptop. A laptop from Wal-Mart, I'd like to add. Cut to the other end of the country where two sack wranglers decided to turn a Toys 'R Us into a wild west show and shoot each other. Rumors went around that it was gang related, but you're still at Toys 'R Us--a toy store. A children's toy store I'd also like to add.

Another home run for humanity. Go team.

I did make it out of the house on Black Friday, but only to go to work. I was at my part-time retail job at a local record store (that shall remain unnamed) at 8AM that day. We'd normally open at 10 on a Friday but with it being one of the bigger, if not biggest shopping day of the year, The Boys at the Main Office decreed 8AM it was and we were dead until about... wait for it... 10. There was a coupon in the paper and we didn't get anyone in except for the regulars who buy in volume--backwoods tree people with a penchant for obscure classic rock and savings of 20% off. Even throughout the rest of my shift it never got that busy. Just the occasional customer who comes in once or twice a year, usually around Christmas. And even then only on the way home. But I'm getting to that.

The store at which I work deals mainly in catalog items. Deluxe reissues of popular albums, vinyl, indie label catalogs, used CDs, jazz, blues, "world" music, hip hop that may or may not have been released this (or last) year, box sets, etc. Basically the stuff outside of the Top 40 realm that chain stores usually won't bother with. And because we're not a chain that will or can charge less than what the distributor charges (i.e. below cost) we have to charge more to make any money.

Let's break this down into real world every day terms. Let's say hypothetically that Best Buy is charging $11.99 for the new Fall Out Boy album. But the label, distributor or whoever charges them $13. They're losing money on that CD. But when they charge $1200 for a TV they pay the manufacturer $650 for they make that money back. These bigger stores' warehouse also buys thousands of the same item and oftentimes get a discount per unit. So ultimately they can afford to lose a buck or few on a CD. Presuming they lose anything at all. But I digress.

We've got 2 kinds of customers generally. The first one is more of a broad category. Let's call them customers in general--the ones we see for most of the year. We get the hardcore nerds who'll buy a Uriah Heep album of them farting for 48 minutes and any subsequent reissue or re-release they put out. Completists. These are also the guys who'll buy a $125 Gabriel-era Genesis box set with all the trimmings without thinking twice about it. Vinyl junkies, blues freaks, people afraid of the internet/online shopping in general, people who don't know how to bargain shop and loyalists are all our lifeblood. And as annoying as that Uriah Heep Guy is and as pretentious as that douchebag who bought the entire Bright Eyes catalog on vinyl is, Gahd bless them. As warped as their brains are, at least they have them.

The other kind of customers are the ones who strike out at the bigger stores. Most of the time these people are shopping for someone else. The mall doesn't have that Clapton album that was playing the first time they got laid so they stop into my place on the way home. The goofy kid at FYE can't name or find any band that didn't come out this decade so this category of customer will come to us. And they always tell us they've been all over looking for what we had and we got it!

So riddle me this. Let's say you've been driving all the hell over looking for a certain CD or DVD. And let's say just for a minute that you didn't really want to pay too much for it. And that's fine. So at what point did you decide to take the money you were hoping to save on said grail and spend it on gas? Huh, genius? And how many times are you going to go through this asinine little ritual of yours before you tell yourself, maybe I should stop at ****** ******* first?

These types of people I and my fellow employees deal with on any and all given shifts. They're just a fact of life, like it or not. But it's the 3rd group, the holiday group that put Armageddon on my Christmas list. The Christmas shoppers.

This category (and by this category I mean these retards) comes in only around Christmas. Maybe once, sometimes more than once. You can usually spot them because the more often than not come in with a drunken chicken scratch list their kids, but usually grandkids gave them. We're not a huge store and if you take a few seconds to look at the signs hanging from the ceiling tipping you off to where the pop/rock, used and DVD sections are then mix that with a small amount of common sense you (presuming you've got a working knowledge of the English alphabet) should be able to dig up what you're looking for.

But some people walk in with the list and hand it off to their personal shoppers. Personal shoppers meaning us. If you're in a rush that's one thing. But if you've gotten so lazy and dependent on others without being clinically diagnosed with some disease or disorder you're just lazy or seriously detached from reality. And these people will obviously get the assistance they need at the cost of being severely if not silently judged after they've cashed out.

Just think...! If you act enough like a self-important jackass you'll get judged by the staff of a locally-owned record store. They'll probably laugh about you as they blab on their phones on a smoke break! They may even gripe about you in the back room (perhaps on a special trip as they claim to go back there to look for what you want) because they just can't stand the sheer volume of your idiocy without leaving your presence for a couple minutes. Or better yet--you may end up as blog fodder!

Like the woman who came in 2 Saturdays ago. She was looking for Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! Now I watch this show with much enthusiasm and am in my own private hell whenever another rerun is on. But that's the subject of a whole other blog. Point is I know that only season 1 is currently out and season 2 comes out February 10th. Not that I'm counting down or anything. And I also know we didn't have a copy of season 1, the only season currently available. And I explained to her, clearly I'd like to think, that we can order the first season of this gem, but she'd have to wait a couple months for season 2. Not happening for this holiday season.

With me? Good.

So we ordered it, it showed up and we called her letting her know she could come pick it up. So she shows up and says (for the first time I'd like to add) that she wanted season 2. You remember, the one that isn't out yet. Apparently I left her under the impression, despite the fact that season 2 wouldn't be available until February that our warehouse could somehow time travel a few months ahead, grab a copy and make all her Christmas wishes come true. After this she said she'd be back in February. I hope she won't.

Let's do another one. Uriah Heep Guy (and he is in fact a real guy--although the word real is highly debatable) saw that a new Neil Young was out. New isn't exactly the word. The release itself is new, but the recording is 40 years old. It's called Sugar Mountain and it's a recording of a show from Neil Young's archives. Volume 3 if you're keeping score. So Uriah Heep Guy (lets call him UHG) asks about the Neil Young when I cashed him out. I told him what it was, but explained that we are and have been sold out of it as its a big seller. Trying to get more. UHG replies, is it over here? No, sadly it's not.

If you want a dollop of whipped cream on that sweetness pie, he went to cash out and was a couple bucks short. This isn't the first time he's done this. But every time this happens he always says he has to go get it out of his car. And every time I look out our front window I always see him ask his wife for more money. Sad thing is I wouldn't feel bad for him if he'd buy something decent. I know that UHG doesn't fall into my holiday shopper category but that didn't make me want to not heave the cash register at him.

And those are all I can think of right now. I'm getting weak just thinking about these people. And with us being a 3rd-string retail option it's only going to get worse. Our biggest shopping day isn't Black Friday but Christmas Eve. But in discussing these people with co-workers we've come to one conclusion--as the holiday season progresses in this, our retail setting, we're getting closer to not only making the Kool-Aid, but drinking it.

Bottoms up, kids...

First and Foremost...

According to Arianna Huffington of the, well, Huffington Post 50,000 people start their own blog every day. I don't know if she pulled that number out of her ass or if that's a real statistic, but here's to the other 49,999 who started one today whether they started one or not.

I don't care if you read this blog (you're more than welcome to), if you post comments (again, you're more than welcome to provided you're not being a jagweed) or whatever. I make no promises aside from that to talk about whatever the hell I feel like and make every attempt to not let this turn into the gay* diary of a candy-ass teenager. I plan to post something at least once a week, maybe more seeing as how winter's here. Who knows?

As far as the title of this blog, schadenfreude, if you've never taken German or have observed pop culture, its pleasure taken from observing the misery of another. Just for the record, I'm not a total dick. I just do whatever it takes to get me through the day.

Enjoy the show. For good or ill...

* I have every intention of explaining the use of this word and my defense of it later. In the meantime it's meant with no malice or ill will against anyone in the gay community.