John Mayer. You may know his as Jennifer Aniston's sometimes boyfriend. Or maybe as that candy-assed troubador who makes the weird OH faces while he plays guitar and barrages you with some of the most saccharine music appealing to both cougars and jailbait alike. And I guess he dated Jessica Simpson too. But to anyone with even halfway decent taste in music he may also be known as The Devil. And while I don't necessarily blame Mayer for charges 1 or 3 (and while we're at it, I'd play crappy music if it would get women to throw their mostly clean underwear at me on stage) it's his music and proportionately my taste in... real music that keeps me from fully embracing him. And that Stevie Ray Vaughn tattoo doesn't help his case.
And while more than 90% of Mayer's music really makes me wonder what the act of self-disembowelment would be like, I cannot deny that underneath that sensitive (dare I say gay?) exterior is what I suspect to be a cool and funny motherfucker. I actually came to this conclusion some years ago. I saw Mayer on an episode of Chappelle's Show where Chappelle did a skit based around a music experiment ending in Mayer playing Poison's "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" to avoid police capture. Mayer remained mostly mute during the segment so the jury was still out. Mayer also had a column in Esquire which I periodically (get it?) read called "Music Lessons with John Mayer." One of the ones I recalled focused on his gushing over The Roots so another strike was made in the plus column.
Then I heard Mayer's music. With much reluctance I'll admit to liking "Daughters", "Bigger Than My Body" and "Clarity" in a closet fan sort of way but beyond those tracks I always find myself needing to cleanse myself with a medley of Godflesh, Slayer and/or Miles Davis' "Bitches Brew" album just to keep myself from wanting to talk about my feelings or regret not taking that trip to Europe after those 3 trying semesters of community college. Compound this with his blues album "Try!" and the aforementioned oh faces while hammering out technically proficient but annoying guitar solos, general white-buy-blues and well, he just kind of lost me. I wanted to like Mayer, maybe even add him to a list of celebrities my significant other could leave me for and I'd be okay with it. But his catalog wasn't making it easy.
Cut to some months later on The Soup. Mayer's on TMZ or some other shitball tabloid show messing with the paparazzi after getting out of his car. He mentions something about some weird infection, rash or whatever and asks the collective where the nearest drug store is. To which a graphic is immediately cut--JOHN MAYER'S HEALTH CRISIS or some other shit. Then there's the fact that the guy will wear a Borat banana hammock (see below if you haven't already) to fuck with these people. I by no means enjoy the fact that I'm seeing 95% of his ass in that shot to the right and am in for no surprises because of that one on the left but I'm glad he did it.
And speaking of creepy but hysterical, there's the episode of Time and Eric Show Great Job! Not a huge part. And I just realized something about the words huge and part in combination with the above photo... 
Then in my internet travels through the land of boredom I find this. I once read that Mayer did stand-up comedy from time to time to help him write. This is the first and only episode of John Mayer Has a TV Show ever made. It was produced by VH-1 in 2004. In it Mayer showcases the various ways he messes with his fans, which includes hanging around parking lots of arenas he's playing in a bear costume with a megaphone and holding roundtable discussions with some of his more naive female fans as he convinces them with a straight face that Richard Marx writes some of his music. In addition to this, he interviews Trick Daddy and afterward Mayer tries to turn him onto country music. Oh, and during the end credits, Mayer covers "The Humpty Dance." I don't know if this show is the product of clever editing of if Mayer is genuinely this funny, but I truly wish there was more where this came from. And if Mayer will make more I'll give him a big hug. Even if he's wearing that green thing.
He really is effing hilarious.
ReplyDeleteIf only I could ever look so good in a Borat Banana Hammock... if only.